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Subject: Dog Property Laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it is in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it is mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I am chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like it is mine, it it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it is mine.
9. If you are playing with it & you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

How Dogs & Men Are The Same

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

How Dogs Are Better Than Men

1. Dogs do not have trouble expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you are gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they are jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw) [it is claimed that men just laugh lovingly at how adorable we look when we throw... as long as it's not a shoe]
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. Dogs understand what "no" means.
10. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Top Ten Reasons Why A Dog Is Better Than A Woman (turn about is fair play I guess)

10. A dogs parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits it's time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will never get mad at you if you forget it's birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad if you pet another dog.
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's day.
2. The later you are the happier a dog is to see you.
1. A dog does not shop.

Life Lessons Learned From A dog

1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, & when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it is not wet & sloppy, it's not a real kiss.